Meaning of love

I recently attended the wedding of two friends of mine. It was the usual affair: everyone looked lovely (the bride most of all, of course), the church was majestic, the standard play list was danced to at the reception (this isn’t a knock against him. These things are to be expected and appreciated.), and everything was all around wonderful (did I mention they had a bar at the reception? Always a plus in my book.) But the event made me wonder about the nature of love. What does it mean? Where does it come from? Now, I won’t presume to give a satisfactory answer when poets and scientists have been debating this very same question since the dawn of human thought, but I’m going to do my damndest.

Now this young couple has been in love for as long as I’ve known them, and as long as anyone has known them as far as I can tell. They’ve had their ups and downs, as with all relationships, but they’ve been with one another through the whole thing. This implies a certain amount of loyalty is assumed when I talk about love. But they aren’t a passionate couple. They don’t show their affection for one another, they don’t hold hands when walking down the street, they don’t kiss in front of others, they don’t make out in the theatre, and they don’t try to have sex in odd public places (I presume anyway. I’ve never heard mention of it, and guys tend to brag about those sorts of things.) But they’ve always been there for each other. Isn’t that what love is all about?

Maybe. I think that’s definitely a huge part of the equation, but it’s not all there is for me. I’m a passionate sort of guy. I like holding hands, feeling the warmth of a woman’s body, her hair in my face, the scent of her breath (yes, even when she’s been eating garlic from the Italian dish she’s just made). I need the feel of her in my arms, the kiss of her lips, her hand stroking my…ok, so you get the idea (I was referring to my penis in case you were wondering). I need the romance that is preached to humanity in fairy tails and sitcoms, and I’m still a straight, heterosexual, woman humping male. My testosterone does not override my need for human contact. Sorry, had to defend my masculinity there for a minute. So that is a definite part of the equation of love for me.

There is also a certain amount of mutual respect that is necessary for love. If two people don’t respect each other, than how can it be love? It can’t. I’ve seen many couples (especially the women) that talk about how in love they are, but they are treated like absolute shit. They are lied to, talked down to, fucked around on, and abandoned without so much as a kiss my ass. But for them, that’s love. I don’t get it. Don’t get me wrong. I’ve been referred to as a cad in my day, a womanizer that just uses women for my own personal goals (I’m guessing they were talking about sex, that’s usually the case from what I’ve seen), but to be completely honest, I’ve never done that to a woman, at least not intentionally. (Can a person be used unintentionally? Further research is required here. Could be fun!!) I’ve always been honest and upfront with people. I’m not an asshole, and there are definitely people who take what I say and hear what they want, but I’ve never told a woman I loved her when I didn’t, I’ve never forced a woman into a situation she didn’t agree with (Just saying that makes you feel dirty, doesn’t it? Makes you want to defend yourself, but I’ve spent enough time defending my masculinity in this, and don’t feel like doing it again. Just roll with me here.) The point of this sidetrack is this: I don’t understand people who say they are in love when they are treated like a burnt slab of ass (There’s an image you can take home to mama). That is not what love is, and if you’re one of the people that thinks it is, you need to grow the fuck up and learn to love yourself before you can be loved by someone else. What does that mean? Hell if I know, but you better figure it out quick, or you’ll be in for a long and miserable life.

Have I come to any conclusions about love? Nope, not a damn one. I’ve been in love several times. There are at least four women I can say I’ve truly fallen in love with in my life. “How can that be?!” the romantics cry. Just the way it goes I’m afraid. If my current relationship doesn’t work out, will I ever fall in love again? You’re damn right I will. It’s a feeling I can’t live without. What about the women in my life that I’ve fallen in love with? They’re still in my heart, but they’re in my past as well. If they ever needed me, I’d be there. But my heart can only belong to one woman at a time. And if those feelings survive several years and many fights about laundry, dishes, other men\women, rent, mortgage, matching clothes, new pets, new kids, new windows, old flames, old collections, parents, in-laws, mooching siblings, being late, being early, or any of a million other stupid ass\serious as hell arguments a couple can have, then that my friends is love. But than again, what do I know. These are just the ramblings of one lone madman in a crazy world. And I like it that way.